


OT5 Whatsapp Group Chat

by ohthathurt (cloisterrific_221B)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Humour, M/M, OT5, WhatsApp Group Chat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-01-20 08:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12428829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloisterrific_221B/pseuds/ohthathurt
Summary: What I imagine the boys' whatsapp group chat looks like..





	1. Where Zayn is President of the Payno Defense Squad

_Niall changed the group name to ‘The Real Househusbands of Surrey’_

Louis: niall what even?

Harry: but liam and z don’t even live in surrey

Niall: well im the fucking group admin i do wat i want

Louis: ooookay

Liam: wow nice name niall

Niall: thanks buddy

Niall: see hes my real friend

Liam: but me and zayn don’t live in surrey?

Niall: wow liam fuk off who asked u

Liam: :((((((((((((

Zayn: who hurt u baby

Zayn: niall u irish fuck turd

Harry: ooh very impressive insult z

Zayn: thanks haz i try

Louis: this chat is a mess u realize

Niall: who fooking cares

Niall: tell me lads whos lives are the most fucked

Liam: idk im pretty happy i guess

Liam: strip that down is doing so well lads

Liam: all thanks to our fans you know

Louis: are u always this cheerful in the mornings

Liam: yeah why

Louis: no i was just wondering why u were so cheerful having been away from zayn for so long

Liam: oh

Liam: right

Liam: :((((((((

Harry: lou ffs

Zayn: louis u idiot

Niall: nice going u upset the puppy

Liam: m not a puppy

Zayn: im going to end u louis

Louis: ALRIGHT jeez payno im sry man

Louis: holy shit zayn when did u become the payne defense squad

Zayn: when i married that idiot :)

Liam: :DDDDDD

Harry: AWW zaynie u romantic

Louis: oh ffs

Niall: just because you haven’t got any in a while doesn’t mean u shit on others lou

Harry: hey how did u know that?

Niall: actually i was guessing..

Niall: HOLY SHIT LOU HAHAHAHA

Niall: LOU ARE U IN THE DOG HOUSE

Harry: that’s demeaning ni we don’t say that

Harry: but yes boo bear is definitely in the dog house

Liam: LOL

Zayn: why tho

Harry: he laughed at my pink flamingo suit the other day

Niall: oooh

Liam: wrong move bro

Zayn: lmfao

_Louis has left the group._


	2. Where Liam gets serenaded and Louis gets sentimental

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get emotional..

_Niall changed the group name to “All Aboard HMS Larry and Ziam”_

Liam: ur really good at these names niall

Niall: thanks payno

Niall: still seeing u this wknd at iheart?

Liam: yeah sure man look forward to it :)

Zayn: why am i stuck in LA?

Louis: cuz u chose to leave the band

Harry: really lou?

Louis: :D

Zayn: oh right was that around the time u had a baby?

Niall: ooooo

Liam: um lads stop

Louis: no actually it was around the time ur husband had a baby!!!!

Zayn: wow fuck u

Liam: i mean u brought the baby thing up..

Zayn: LIAM

Zayn: JAAN

Zayn: how could u

Liam: oh god

Niall: what

Harry: eh

Zayn: i thought we had a thing u know

Zayn: i have loved you since we were 18

Louis: stfu z

Niall: no pls not that again

Zayn: LONG BEFORE WE BOTH THOUGHT THE SAME THING

Liam: :D

Louis: oh now he remembers lyrics

Harry: you’re impressed by this?

Liam: well shit

Liam: when my husband serenades me

Liam: fucking Armageddon couldn’t stop me

Harry: lou how come u don’t serenade me?

Louis: because darling

Niall: oh here we go

Zayn: go ahead

Louis: all those times i sang our songs in concerts

Louis: i was always singing them to u

Niall: well shit

Liam: oh wow

Zayn: Louis u smooth fucker

Liam: i love how even after all these years u 2 are still together

Liam: you guys are literally so sweet

Zayn: yeah i agree

Zayn: they’re pretty sweet

Niall: lads

Niall: where even are they

Niall: wait they’re home nowadays right?

Liam: right

Liam: oh

Zayn: ah yes

Niall: they’re having sex aren’t they

Liam: LOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know what u think :)


	3. What's in a name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What floats Captain Niall's boat..

_Niall changed the group name to ‘Zarry is dead’_

Zayn: wtf niall

Harry: heeeeeyyy

Louis: lmfao good one mate

Niall: too soon?

_Niall changed the group name to ‘BF is not about Ziam!!!’_

Zayn: NIALL

_Niall changed the group name to ‘orange you glad im ur friend’_

Harry: isn’t that my joke?

_Niall changed the group name to ‘no fuck off’_

Louis: MATE

_Niall changed the group name to ‘ok sorry’_

Harry: hey where’s liam

Zayn: sleeping

Zayn: under me

Louis: really

Liam: no im not!!!!

Liam: i was busy getting this guy here some burgers

Liam: honestly

Mrs. Liam Payne: well you could be sleeping under me

Mrs. Liam Payne: what a shame you’re not

Harry: lol i like that

Louis: what the actual fuck zee

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: hey don’t knock it till you’ve tried it

Louis: hazza not you too..

Niall: I FEEL ALIVE

Niall: MY CROPS ARE FLOURISHING

Louis: big word there

Niall: my ships are doing well

Niall: im a good captain

Niall: shut up lou u didn’t think comedic was a word

Mrs. Liam Payne: liam didn’t either

Mrs. Liam Payne: i thought i'd actually married an idiot

Liam: oh cmon

Liam: we weren’t even married then..

Liam: and while we’re on that topic

Liam: do u mind changing ur name back and maybe removing that shirtless pic of me from your display?

Mrs. Liam Payne: i think u look great baby

Mrs. Liam Payne: sexy santa is a Look

Liam: im gonna go kill myself

Louis: NO hazza

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: what did i do

Louis: i KNOW you’re thinking of changing your dp

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: aw cmon its fun

Louis: don’t u have people like cindy crawford in your list

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: well im only being a wonderful wife to you

Louis: oh god

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: you never appreciate me anymore

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: i’ve given u 3 beautiful children

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: and now that im all old and wrinkly its like you don’t even care anymore

Louis: lord give me strength

Mrs. Liam Payne: i hear her sometimes you know, going on abt how unhappy she is

Liam: hahahah zayn stop

Mrs. Liam Payne: hush you

Niall: wow im enjoying this

Niall: i wonder how much money i can make just selling these chats

Liam: a fortune

Liam: which u already have

Niall: no

Niall: im gonna sell these and use the money

Niall: to get myself something really unnecessary

Niall: like gold plated golf clubs

Mrs. Liam Payne: that’s already on ur wish list

Niall: and have any of u EVER gotten me it? NO

Niall: ungrateful bastards

Niall: i got u all married

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: no u didn’t

Liam: false

Niall: and now that zayn’s pregnant you cant give me what i want??? UNFAIR

Mrs. Liam Payne: you sound like you’ve been reading too much fanfic

Mrs. Liam Payne: to be fair so have i

Mrs. Liam Payne: kinky..

Louis: oh my god

Louis: hazza remember that one with the snooker table and the.,??

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: oh yeah i’ve got it in my recs

Liam: your what now

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: my recs on ao3

Mrs. Liam Payne: i KNEW you used to read fanfic whenever we went on long plane rides

Mrs. Liam Payne: but hey share ur faves with me

Mrs. Liam Payne: theres nothing new in the ziam tag

Liam: what the fuck

Liam: have i married into

Niall sent a link:  
**_Time Magazine: Zayn Malik scientifically proven to be the world’s most beautiful man_**

Liam: oh

Liam: right

Liam: im so lucky :DDDD

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: do u just keep that around then

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: what else have u got

Niall sent a link:  
**_Buzzfeed: Here are 20 reasons why you should believe in Larry_**

Louis: aww look hazza its got pictures of us from 2011

Louis: did none of u think to stop me from wearing those god awful suspenders

Louis: im breaking up with all of u

Luckiest husband in the world: to be fair mate we were all shit at dressing

Mrs. Liam Payne: speak for yourself li

Mrs. Liam Payne: love you though :)

Niall: i love you all

Niall: intensely

Mrs. Louis Tomlinson: we love u too ni!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont even talk to me abt the summary lmao  
> lemme know what you think :)


	4. 1d who??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Liam and Zayn hash it out while Niall and Harry discuss new kinks. Louis has had it.

Louis: oi liam what are u upto now

Liam: uhh not much mate

Liam: why u wanna hang out?

Louis: no u little shit

Louis: i mean yeah i wanna hang out but no

Louis: what i meant was your tweet

Liam: eh?

Louis: mate i haven’t met for years?

Louis: we used to fucking do lads weekends

Louis: i feel betrayed man

Liam: ohhhhh lol no no i was talking abt z

Liam: just giving the fans a cheeky little hint ;)

Niall: liam you realize half the fanbase thinks you two are married

Liam: well

Niall: not to mention you two have tattoos for each other every fucking where

Niall: should i start on the blatant stealing each others clothes

Niall: i mean they probably think you’re a really good liar by now

Liam: oh alright fine

Liam: not my fault we’re in love ;)

Zayn: disgusting liam

Liam: only for you baby ;)

Niall: hey why are my emojis not working

Harry: hello handsome people

Harry: and Louis

Louis: ha ha very funny

Zayn: what you two fighting again?

Louis: no harry here thinks we’re too perfect of a couple

Louis: so hes trying to start a fight

Zayn: that doesn’t make sense

Louis: he’s been at it for a week now

Louis: welcome to my wedded life

Niall: :D :( :) :/

Zayn: ????

Niall: nvm i found them

Liam: oh pls you guys are not the perfect couple

Louis: see! thank you liam

Liam: no prob mate. its easily obvious the perfect couple is me and zayn

Louis: OI

Niall: oooooo

Zayn: ugh liam

Zayn: zayn and i****

Liam: bite me

Zayn: been there done that

Harry: same

Zayn: what

Harry: what

Louis: our fans would be so disappointed in us right now

Liam: no i think they were the most disappointed when zayn left

Zayn: seriously?

Niall: uhhhh

Zayn: whenever we have a fight liam likes to bring this up

Zayn: no matter that its COMPLETE BULLSHIT

Liam: fight me

Harry: record it pls

Louis: ha wank material

Niall: you two are easily the weirdest couple ive met

Harry: who me and Louis or liam and z?

Niall: yes

Liam: whats the matter z are u too chicken

Harry: is it me or could this get sexual

Niall: i mean chicken is sexy

Louis: rub me with that kfc

Harry: anything for you darling

Zayn: that’s it im coming up there and beating your ass

Liam: like u have the strength to take me

Zayn: idk liam i mean i took you pretty well last night

Louis: WHOAAAA OK OK keep it pg boys

Harry: why? we’re all adults here

Niall: exactly. tell us what else u did zayn

Liam: oh psh that? i could’ve easily taken you down even then

Zayn: alright u know what

Zayn: next time we do it im totally biting your dick off

Liam: what?

Zayn: CHOMP CHOMP LIAM

Harry: oh isn’t that a new kink

Harry: what was the name i cant remember

Louis: no please don’t tell us

Niall: one day im going to look in your search history to see just what you get up to

Harry: prepare yourself

Niall: get the lube

Louis: and im done

_Louis has left the chat ‘1d who?’._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr: ohthathurt.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> just something that was lying around  
> hope you enjoy :)  
> lmk if i should continue


End file.
